Big Transitions = Big Feelings
Tools for Kids and Adults When Navigating Changes
As summer begins to loosen its heated grip and autumn creeps in with cooler mornings, earlier sunsets, the scent of change in the air – we are reminded that transitions are inevitable. Some people find this shift invigorating, a welcome reset. Others feel uneasy. Change, even seasonal, stirs something in all of us.
In my household, even Lady, my Husky, feels it. Cooler temperatures mean longer walks and more time outside, some of her favorite things. But while Lady has been going through Therapy Dog training, it was clear that she also struggled with some separation anxiety. This mostly came during transition times, when I would leave for work or when it was time for bed. When discussing this with her trainer, she advised me to make these transitions more pleasurable for Lady. For Lady, that means two things: fun and food. Before I leave for work every morning, I take Lady for a long morning walk. She loves to take time to smell all the smells and greet all the neighbors. Every night before bed, I give Lady her favorite bones; she goes to bed happy and satisfied. These small rituals have made a world of difference.
We, humans, adults, kids, people, are not all that different. Transitions can be scary times for us too. Sometimes it means being taken away from what is comfortable and familiar. When a young adult moves to a new city to start their career; when a teenager starts their freshman year of high school; when an adult is going through a separation or a break-up. All of these changes take us from a place of routine and familiarity to something unknown. As you read, pause a moment to think of transitions that you have experienced. How did you handle them? Are there areas that you could have adjusted to make the transition more palatable, perhaps even exciting?
The question for the future is, how can we make transitions more pleasurable for us, just like I did for Lady?
Neurologically: What is Happening?
To understand why transitions feel so intense, we need to look at the brain.
In 1988, researchers Samuelson and Zeckhauser found that adults overwhelmingly favor the familiar when making decisions – a phenomenon known as status quo bias. When faced with multiple options, the majority of participants chose what was safe and familiar to them; they chose the status quo. That is not just habit – it's biology.
Our brains naturally search for pattern, routine, and predictability. The amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure deep in the middle of the brain, lights up whenever it recognizes change. Even if those changes are positive, your nervous system reacts as though it is a potential threat. The amygdala alerts other areas of your brain to respond and they trigger the release of cortisol, the stress hormone. You may experience racing thoughts, anxious feelings, or sleepless nights. This is your nervous system's way of saying, “Something’s different. Be alert.”
One of the beautiful things about the brain is its ability to change; this is through a phenomenon known as neuroplasticity. Each person has the ability to change the reactions or the neural pathways in their own brain, to change the brain’s and therefore the body’s, responses. Picture it like this: you are skiing down a gorgeous snow-covered mountain. You love the scenic route you took as you went from the top to the bottom. The first time, you carved a fresh path in the snow. But you take the same route over and over again, following the same habits, the status quo. Soon, you don’t even have to steer yourself because you have created deep indentations in the snow. Those grooves are habitual neural pathways. Your brain will react instinctively and choose to do the same things you have done before. These can be healthy, or they can keep us stuck in maladaptive patterns like drinking alcohol in response to stress, or angry outbursts because you don’t know how to regulate your emotions.
Thankfully, neuroplasticity shows us that we can create new neural pathways. With intention and lots of practice, we can teach our brains to respond differently – to approach transitions with curiosity, calm, and even joy.
So how do we do that?
Let’s look at a few practical tools – ones that work for both kids and adults – to help make transitions feel less like a threat and more like an opportunity.
Name It, Plan for It
For kids: use visual (maybe color-coded) schedules to preview what is coming. This is especially important for neurodivergent kiddos.
For adults: Talking about the change out loud with a trusted friend reduces ambiguity surrounding it and helps the brain feel safer.
This calendar allows you to see several months at a time and can be placed on your fridge. Don’t forget the colorful dry erase markers!
Develop New Rituals
Think of Lady’s favorites: bones and walks – rituals that signal comfort and predictability instead of focusing on that which produces anxiety, separation.
For kids: This could be a goodbye song at drop-off or a special note in their bag when they stay the weekend at the other parent’s home
For adults: A morning walk or singing along to your favorite playlist on your way to a stressful job
Regulate the Nervous System
Breathwork, movement, and sensory tools can help calm the amygdala
For kids: Try a “Calm Down Jar” filled with calming fidget toys that have soft textures, include coloring pages and crayons.
For adults: Practice box breathing, yoga, or adult coloring pages (I think the ones that curse and color are particularly fun!)
These calming sticks are a great option for adding to your Calm Down jar. I also love textured stickers to be placed anywhere they are needed.
If you need an idea for a calm and fun coloring book, here’s my favorite.